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It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine. But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern girl who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do? Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words – you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine. Step 1 – Be Flawed This step is super easy, because come on, we’re all already flawed anyway, right? Right! Except for one little catch. It is necessary to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable. 1.) You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a constant inner dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the next ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help eliminate pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?” 2.) You must have issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this means that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this means that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be thinking about eating. I strongly recommend the second option. 3.) You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girlfriend who is in no way as good for him as you were.) Step 2 – Practice Retail Therapy Today’s modern day fictional heroine realizes one fundamental truth – that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you need to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast rule – anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I have provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order: • Designer shoes • Designer beauty products • Designer chocolate • Designer purses • Designer lingerie • Anything else designer • Clothes (This is listed as the very last option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will negate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.) Step 3 – Have a purpose, deeply question it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose. Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I have created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be good to go. Column A 1.You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money. 2.You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives. 3.You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family. 4.You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled! Column B 1.It’s all getting to be too much and nobody understands you. 2.None of it means anything anymore and nobody understands you. 3.You wish you could have some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you? 4.Is this really what you set out to do? You did major in art history after all. Column C 1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas. 2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to start your own home-based greeting card company. 3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose. 4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to take some time off just to focus on you. Conclusion: So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you need is a little attitude thrown in with a barely noticeable social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you have to say. A new age has arrived! penile enlargment result vig rx results enlargment penis pill vimax penis enargement drug penis enlargement device vimax natural penis enlargement and lengthening free penis elargement tip natural penile enlargment pills

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Why is it that men cheat? Brad Pitt was married to the woman idolized as everyone’s best friend Jennifer Anniston and the next thing we know he’s coming out of a mud hut in Namibia carrying Angelina Jolie’s 2 children. Hugh Grant was with the most beautiful woman on earth Elizabeth Hurley and the next thing you know the police find him in the back seat of a Chevy with a hooker who looks like Marvin Hagler wearing a wig. Elizabeth Taylor has been cheated on by so many husbands that she needed the pain medication more for her depression than for her aching back. The classic example was Marilyn Monroe who was treated like Kleenex by more Presidents than George Bush. Why do so many Presidents have names that sound like female sexual organs? How many organ grinders does it take to change a monkey? It seems like having supernatural beauty, fame and success drives men to cheat. How could this be? Why are men running away from the women most desired by hordes of men? Barbara Holdmee works in the web cam business in Amsterdam. She nude video chats with strange men all day for $4.99 a minute. According to Barbara, “I used to be a high school English teacher. The hours were long and the pay was lousy. I learned that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and teenagers are from Uranus. But this web cam business has really opened my eyes. When you watch Tucker Carlson on television men seem so intelligent, so sophisticated. In the nude video chat sessions you get to see what men are really like. Before nude chat I seduce the men by chatting in a negligee. All day I listen to a constant stream of instant messages from men like “Show me your rear end, show me your boobs, oh BB you’re so hot, and Oh yeah BB. Why do men feel the need to put on this air of sophistication in public? Why can’t they be themselves in public? Why are married men spending an average of 7 minutes a day engaging in sexual relations with nude models over the internet? Who threw Natalie Wood to the sharks? Could the reason that men cheat simply be that in truth they are just wolves in sheep’s clothing, evil liars?” Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychiatry had a long term affair with his mother. He cheated on her with his sister. Dr. Freud divided the human brain into the ego and the id. There is so much id theft on the internet now that identity theft has become the leading industry in Africa. In the past week alone I have inherited over $356 million dollars from total strangers overseas. I have more parents and grandparents than the descendants of the Messiah. How are there so many paintings of the Messiah when the Gospels do not contain one single word of description of Jesus Christ? Which species was created by a Jewish born Rabbi whose best friend was a hooker? Had Jesus lived to be 85 the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel would be decorated with paintings of a long bearded black hatted black coated Hasidic Rabbi Messiah and Christianity would never have gotten off the ground. Speaking of the Bible Eve has been smeared for 3,000 years for giving Adam the apple. This Bible story is symbolic. The one eyed snake who told her to do it was Adam’s phallus. The penis is the root of all evil. How else can you explain the level of promiscuity in Africa when the obvious cure for AIDS is monogamy? How else can you explain the male stampede for Viagra and Cialis when these drugs are known to cause blindness? Does everyone believe that they will die tomorrow and so there is no need to consider the consequences of their actions? Fortunately Merck has just invented a vaccine for cervical cancer and the human papiloma virus. Get down! Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down tonight baby! “Why dost thou seeketh to be that which thou are not?” Most men have a body, a mind and a soul. Lets look at the body first. A good example would be Michelangelo’s The David. Dr. Freud said that men have a sexual thought every 3 seconds. This would explain the Holy Trinity. With the constant production of semen going on in the testes and the male reproductive drive to keep our species going men are unto coitus machines careening out of control. Now let us look at the human mind. The id is the part of the brain that constantly wants food, sex, money etc. In the old days the strongest cave man just beat the object of his desire over the head with a wooden club and then dragged her into a cave and raped her before lighting up. There were no $200 dinners where the cave man pretended to like her. The reason that men cheat is the male ego. The male ego is the root of all evil. The male feeling of desire and lust and infatuation and desire to conquer the woman and the newness feels exactly like love only it is infinitely stronger. This is why prior to the conquest men whisper such endless baloney into our ears. “Oh my God you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. I could care less about sex. I love you for your personality.” The micro second that the man ejaculates inside of you without a condom because his passion was so overwhelming and his promises that he was in perfect health were so convincing it’s all down hill even for the Holy Wood starlets. This is because the woman will never again be able to give the man the one thing he wants most in life – the conquest of her - the need in the male mind to say to himself and to his locker room buddies, “Yes, I nailed her!” Nailed? Every single woman that I know today is engaged in internet dating. If a woman has the slightest flaw, like no jaw for example, or God forbid a crooked nose, men have an endless supply of internet sites and internet women to replace her. The fantasy is better than the reality but the reality is worse than the phobia. Now let us examine the spiritual reasons that men cheat. According to the famed psychiatrist M. Scott Peck M.D. in his books “People of the Lie” and “Glimpses of the Devil”, in addition to the holy white angel spirit in every person all of our bodies are also containers for evil spirits that resemble the alien monster in the movie Independence Day. Inwardly we are all monsters who sacrificed our first born children alive by fire as the drummers beat their drums loudly to drown out the terrified screams of our burning babies which we sacrificed to the God Baal, Beelzebub, Satan on fire altars in Gehenna just south of Jerusalem for thousands of years up until 2,000 years ago on a planet 5 billion years old. 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Levitra is an oral prescription medication used in the treatment of erectile dysfunction or impotence in men. Levitra has emerged as a competitor to Viagra. Though the purpose of Viagra is the same as that of levitra, still levitra is considered as a better medicine. Levitra works by relaxing the muscles within the penis. This relaxation of muscles helps increase the blood flow and results in a natural erection of the penis. Despite the fact that both levitra and Viagra function in the same manner, the effect of levitra lasts longer than Viagra. It helps to achieve an erection easily and quickly and maintains it for a longer period of time. Unlike Viagra, levitra has fewer side-effects and is safe for everyone even those who have heart disease. The side-effects that Viagra can have during a sexual intercourse can be severe. It can cause-: • Breathlessness • Headache • Fainting • Swelling of face, lips or throat • Upset stomach • Painful penis erection • Diarrhea The side-effects other than those listed above can also occur. Levitra contains a more efficient enzyme inhibitor so only a small amount of the medicine is required. Therefore one pill of levitra is sufficient in a day. On the contrary Viagra is taken thrice a day. This shows that levitra is more effective than Viagra. Levitra does not contain the disconcerting problem of blurred vision that men often report with Viagra. Studies conducted earlier have proved that Viagra takes its effect in about 30 minutes. The effect does not last for more than four hours. Levitra on the other hand is faster in action and reaches maximum concentration within 30-40 minutes. Its effect lasts for about 16 hours. The success rate with Viagra has been estimated about 84%. This reflects that 4 out of 5 men are cured buy consuming this medicine. Whereas more number of people are being benefited by using levitra as its success rate has been counted upto 89%. Do not take levitra without the prescription of the physician. Your doctor will be able to tell you better regarding the consumption of the medicine after doing a physical examination of your body. Although levitra outshines Viagra still a few of its side-effects cannot be ignored. Immediate medical attention is required if you experience chest pain or a slight itching during sexual intercourse. Experience the miracle of advancement in pharmacy with levitra. The benefits of levitra make it stand one step ahead of Viagra. do penis elargement pills really work penis enlargment stretcher surgical penis enargement get vig rx penis elargement system truth about pennis enlargement pennis enlargement surgeries pennis enlargement technique pro fitness health solution

Children and teenagers are commonly confronted with strep throat. Due to its very contagious character, strep throat can be easily acquired by children during the flu seasons. Strep throat is a type a sore throat caused by infection with group A streptococcus bacteria. Unlike sore throat, the bacterial form of the illness usually generates more intense symptoms which can persist for more than a week. Strep throat can cause symptoms such as throat inflammation and pain, enlargement of the tonsils and lymph nodes, difficult swallowing, difficult breathing, mucus-producing cough, headache, fatigue, poor appetite, nausea and fever. When it occurs in children, strep throat can also be accompanied by skin rash. The reason why strep throat is very common among children and teenagers is that they interact with large groups of persons in kindergarten or school, rendering them very vulnerable to contracting streptococcus bacteria or other infectious agents. In order to avoid the occurrence of strep throat, it is very important to timely educate your child in maintaining a good level of personal hygiene. Proper personal hygiene is a very effective means of preventing strep throat and many other types of contagious diseases. Especially in the flu seasons, teach your child to wash his hands regularly and to avoid sharing personal items with other people. Once acquired, strep throat can be very difficult to overcome and hence it is best to take proper measures in preventing the occurrence of the illness in the first place. When your child has a persistent sore throat accompanied by fever, inflamed tonsils and lymph nodes, it is a sign of infection with bacteria and you should pay a visit to a pediatrician as soon as possible. Before seeking medical guidance, avoid giving your child left-over medications, as you can generate more harm rather than good. Administered to very young children, even aspirin can have pronounced side-effects. It is very important to note that strep throat doesn’t clear on itself. Unlike most sore throats, strep throat may require a course of antibiotics. Although antibiotics have various side-effects and they also attack the body’s benign bacterial flora, in present they are the best means of curing strep throat. Prescribed in the incipient stages of infection, antibiotics such as penicillin and amoxicillin can effectively overcome strep throat, also minimizing the risk of developing complications. If the infection is serious, the doctor may prescribe a course of cephalosporins, a strong type of antibiotics. In order to ensure a complete recovery and to avoid a recurrence of the infection, the medical treatment with antibiotics needs to be administered for at least 10 days. It is very important to follow the doctor’s exact instructions when giving antibiotics to your child. Make sure that you respect the dosage specified by the doctor and avoid interrupting the treatment prematurely. Even if the child appears to be completely recovered from illness within the first days of treatment, it is important to complete the course of antibiotics in order to minimize the chances of relapse. magnarx penis enargement tool herbal penis enlargement truth about penis enhancement manual penis enlargement does penis elargement work buy place vigrx penile enlargement product pro fitness health solution

The Forest As we drove farther into the outskirts of Augsburg, looking out placidly across the top of cars, houses, and at the dogs running about, I got thinking, thinking how I felt being with Chris, about Chris. It was like I was cast into a spell, an enchantment, or perhaps a curse; very seldom did I ever feel like this. Normally I would feel like this only if I was in the presence of a great person, like my karate instructor in San Francisco, Gosei Yamauchi, or his father ‘The Cat’ Gogan, who was one of the few 10th degree black belts in the world. Normally I’d be high the whole next day. With Chris I felt the same way I knew tomorrow I’d be high all day, it was a natural high. Once—I can’t remember when—I had read something about the poet Emily Dickinson, she was something like a recluse, but she made a poem indicating nature was her high, and I always remember that. How true this can be, grabbing the moment and cherishing it, absorbing it as if there was no tomorrow, and at the same time absorbing nature: the sounds and the heart beat mother earth, and sky; others humans, and the dogs and birds, all such things that at that moment surround you; they are all somewhat magical. I was learning, how to be a listener if anything and it entailed all things within your presence. Chris was fully alive now, as I turned my head towards her delectation her steering wheel facing me, at which made the moment a little more interesting, as she felt good about me checking her out; a weary kind of sense, not defeat, just a good profile look; I thought dimly in my mind as she drove mile after mile: how could she afford to look so prim and proper all the time. Do her hair in a unique style, not a hair out of place, so it seemed. I guess in our own way we are all unique, I heard that someone say that someplace, not sure where. An hour and a half had passed on by and she was still driving, and it was getting dark. She pulled into a wooded area; she said it was the outer rim of the Black Forest (otherwise known as the Eyebrow of the Woods), I think I heard of that forest in a fairytale book or at least that is where my mind said I got it from. An enchanting name, I must had said it my second self, that little person inside of all of us that we talk to: Black Forest, Black Forest…! “So you see,” said Chris “…here we are!” She added her conclusive little smile to her face as she said that; as we entered the dark huge green forest, parking the car a little off to the side of a dirt road that lead into the deeper and more distant part of the forest, partly covered by trees and bushes now. There was a chill in the air so I rolled up the window, as she turned on the radio for some music. Very quickly and carefully she moved her thin reserved neck and shoulders into my area, she just starred at me, as if she was going to eat me up; as her left arm was lowered, it pulled out a bottle of Mosel-Saar-Ruwer wine, 1965 wine, -- I looked the bottle over 9.5% volume; I knew they had been making wine around this intriguing river and hilly area for close to 1700-years. It was good wine I had tasted it before, not sweat or dry, flowerily white wine to be exact. “Now,” said Chris indignantly, but with the air of a certain point, “…let’s see what we can do with this battle. We started to drink and laugh. “Ah, yes,” I said to her, “you have a lovely profile.” She smiled and threw her head back. “Well,” I thought out loud “… this is a good way to pass the night away, and begin romantic indecencies”-- she leaned over the center-divider of the bucket seats to kiss me. She opened her mouth, sunk her lips on mine, as she pulled her long legs to the under-part of the dash, she then started to unzip her zipper to her boots. “This,” commented Chris “passes everything…I never did it in a car before.” She had drunk down 1/5 of the wine like a person drinking water. “Chick,” said Chris, ”…come over here.” I moved my body closer to hers. Everything seemed to be in the way. I could not back out of whatever was going to happen; and I knew what was in the makings. She was starting to stretch her hands out: --her blouse went over her head, I just kept looking as she started to strip, I was growing, getting as hard as a pencil. “Oh, damn Chick,” said Chris heartily as she touched my item. Just her saying that aroused me; then pulling off her bra, and her skirt up I seemed to become tranquilized somehow, my mind slipped to King Solomon, of all things, as he once defined the beauty of a woman’s body and how it was to measured for one’s pleasure by enjoying it fully, and this was all I wanted to do now—enjoy it, and I think Chris was feeling the same way for even though we were both a bit on the tipsy side we were fully aware of our responses, I had lost complete focus of the uncomfortable situation, as she did… ◊…now that she was almost completely stripped only her panties on, she curled up in a fetus position holding her legs and leaning back, then opened up her legs slowly… I thought what every on earth possessed her, yet who can predict women I told myself, and started to take off my cloths, quickly…getting out of this spill of sorts. I guess it is true, men like to observe, and women like to touch. I liked both. This was not dirty sex, this was pure sex, at its height, one might even say, it was like a painting; she painted the picture, she taught me how to enjoy what she had to offer. “I’m going to get it all off in a minute,” I said, it was difficult working in this cramped space… she chuckled, “Slowly please, I can wait…”she softly said as she rested her head back and I caught my breath, that is what she wanted, that is, for me to calm down, yet remain hard and possessed with her offering: I think we both had multiorgasms “I feel fine now –“ I said, adding, “cramped but fine…☺” Chris opened up her arms I couldn’t back away after that, could I? I told myself: I have a private room at the barracks…. Then said it out loud to her: “Of course, -- next time…” said she, and we continued to make love for the third orgasm for me, for her, perhaps five or six. We seemed to flop around the front seat finding the right position…’she‘s looking at me eeeeeeeee’, I told myself, I’m cramped, nothing to grab a hold of, her head leaning against the glass of the window. Without a word we continued: --my body heavy onto hers, my heart beating two-hundred ticks a minute, we both were hot, enmeshed in the moment, a lustful, and burning moment; I wanted to open the door, but feared the light going on and someone would see us, plus the air was cool, too cool. I had no escape we met each other’s eyes as I penetrated her. She looked again deep into my eyes as she tried to catch her breath, to make sure I was still alive I think. It was seemingly unfair for me to put her through this I thought, but the thought only lasted a half second, I found myself exploding … as my heart dropped to my feet, and again, and again, I exploded and burned as if I had opened myself up to a volcano; I had learned at that moment, the difference between happiness and pressure: happiness was listening to her talk before, and then came her smile, now the pleasure, sex; I hurt, this had never happened before. “Nice evening, isn’t it?” I said as I started pulling her body closer to me. “I hope you are not offended I am taking the lead?” said Chris. “Not at all,” I said, adding, “I’ll catch up.” “There are times,” said Chris, “when rules are made to be broken like now, them...mmm damn silly rules…” she pulled herself up a bit, “I stopped believing in those rules… this is one of those moments I want to remember…remember for a long time, even after I am dead.” As we tried to untwist our bodies, we caught ourselves laughing at our odd situation. We had made love, and became a little more sensitive with each other…a little more possessive of each other, I guess that is the nature of things in a relationship, they are made to progress, or stop, one or the other, and it was never to take place again in the front seat of a Mustang I knew…. She laid her cheek against my hand. “Chick.” “Yes?” “You realize don’t you, this can’t end here?” “There’s no reason for it to end, is there?” “No.” She spoke some German words I didn’t understand, German mingled with English I should say: then somehow, she went silent…maybe she was taking time to remember the moment, digesting it; I didn’t know, nor did I want to try to guess, I just looked at her, her smile it seemed to promise something, grace; instinct was in it also, around her small enclosed eyes, as they opened and shut slowly they were weaving a web I do believe, “It won’t end here, I promise.” Pleasant and agreeable-like a well-cultured woman she was, maybe too much for me, she opened the door, and dressed quickly, then got back in. “Want a cigarette?” I asked, sitting up straight. “No and neither do you. We are both restless it seems. Come over to me,” she started kissing me. As she released her lips from mine, she sat upright now, pulled out a cigarette, lit it and started blowing smoke rings into the air. “You know perfectly well, I’m very much attracted to you…yoouuuu… right?” “I hope so, I feel the some way.” “Luckily the wine deadens the bruises (discoloration).” I commented, she laughed and kind of stretched her back to put it back in place…”Me to,” she replied. “I wish all relationships could start like ours, it is like saying let’s drop all the game playing and pretend we are on the fifth date, and cut the crap; I like you Chick, I like you very much…” “The bruises will show up tomorrow,” I told Chris. Kind of saying maybe we should go, but neither one of us seemed to be all that bothered with that so we simply started kissing again after her cigarette brake…it was a long and needed pause for me, for a second breathe, a refractory period I needed [from uninterrupted sex]; that is, having multiple orgasms drains a man. I’ve learned also, women don’t need this rest period; so in time I’d learn how to last longer, and perhaps stretch the orgasms thinner but again, longer (three hours at the most; and I did). I thought in my head, she was having sex with me, and then that rich boyfriend she had; she was getting her multiorgasmic pleasures indeed, perhaps a secret to some women, for once they discover this, it is hard for any man to keep up with them, lest he be a superman of sorts. I did not even at that young age have the capacity to pass six organisms; five was my limit I learned. I was limp now; my penis had been as pointed as a scorpions tail a while ago. As scary as it started out for me I thought my reactions afterwards was cool, I seemed to be letting things take their natural course. It was a dark and colorless evening. Grossly romanticized in such an unimpressive way (so I thought in the back of my mind), yet Miss Chris was perfect. I thought to myself: maybe she might be annoyed with my lovemaking… I guess every man wants to please the woman, wife, girlfriend, the one he is making love to, or should want to please her, but most don’t; how can they, they pop too quickly. This is a fact, I’ve talked to men, and when they say they go so quick, no woman could get it on in that time period. A woman taught me how to hold myself from climaxing too early, thus allowing the woman to catch up—and therefore, allowing my female mate to get it on and enjoy. I know this evening went a little fast, but Chris was modest about it, like that other woman who had taught me, helped me, to help her, so we both could enjoy each other more; as my slowing down kept my penis hard longer, allowing her pleasure zone to become wider. This was something of the case in hand, but not completely. Most men think they make love better drinking, but it’s far from the truth. Most men do not know how to make love, no one taught them, so all they do is f*ck, and that is not love, that is, if anything, a quick climax, like eating a big fat burger, and wiping your mouth in its enjoyment and then leaving the café only to find out: you got indigestion, and had you went to a nicer restaurant, ate slower, you’d never forget the meal. I have experimented with that theory, and it is nine-minutes verse four-hours, I say four hours, but I knew in my head it was only one time I lasted four hours, two and a half was the norm. I was thinking now—as Chris kissed me—how I owe some women a bit of gratitude for allowing me to have my pleasure and not returning it to them; that’s the caretaker in a woman I think. But women just don’t know men can learn. And men are too bull-headed to let women teach them what pleases them. I had learned a good lover was worth his weight in gold and even maybe a little more: sometimes they can be irresistible. One could hardly tell her it wasn’t hastily done, our sex (to me it was) for it was, but she seemed to understand the circumstances, and we need not prove anything today, only allow our bodies to be sanctioned to the other. So I think we both felt. Lovemaking would improve as time went on. “I’m afraid my lover, we will have to find better accommodations next time,” Chris said, smiling at me. “Yes,” I hesitated, “absently,” I hesitated-- “I feel the same way.” “It’s a little hard in such a cramped car luckily we are both a little tipsy….” “I’m afraid I’m not, somehow I sobered up when you took your blouse off.” She smiled, with a grin. “Yes. I sense you have, do you really like me Chick?” “You are growing on me. And what is there not to like?” She was like a schoolgirl at times, needing to be encouraged, to grow up, and needed to be admired. But she didn’t need permission to live, she was taking that—but I’m learning to appreciate women more, I told myself, and it seems the more I show appreciation, the more they respect me, and to be quite frank with myself, I need respect. And why not … the world will give it, if you demand it, and if not, let that part of the world go; so my second self, my mind’s eye, told me. But then as I looked at her, if she really felt she was on death row, with cancer, maybe I was just a remedy for a while, and if so, so what, maybe I needed a remedy to make it through my time here in Germany; so seemed just to me. 8 The Spider and The Web A warm-wind had picked up it seemed, and April and May in Germany was a paradise of light-cool sunrays, it was a spring never to forget, Chris and I were growing on one another, like white on rice. More community drinking fairs were picking up and Chris and I tried to make a few, drink it up and eat and just go with the flow; it was a good time for living. Chris and I were known throughout the guardhouse-barracks as lovers and a heat wave at that. She seemed to have a charm with my soldier friends, and often drove her German boyfriend’s Mercedes car to the gate, and about, showing off kind of, not only to me, but it seemed at times going out of her way to show it to the other guards. Most of my friends thought she had two cars, I simply did not up date them, if they were not in my way of thinking or inner circle—why squander my time; and in most cases they didn’t have a need to know; but Ski and a few other of my friends knew the truth. I felt: plus, I felt: why not let Chris make an impression at the guard shacks, if it helps her ego so be it. I do not think I was envious, rather amused. I’m sure somewhere along the line I’d have to deal with envy, but who at my age is envious, for what, I have a lifetime to catch up. She flirted with the guards, and they all thought it cool. At night, if I had to work, she would bring me by a sandwich while on duty; in one way she got the guys a little jealous, or in lack of a better word, annoyed. And sometimes she would simply walk into barracks, which had about fifteen-guards some running around half naked from the shower room to their room, while others went visiting. She’d come knocking on my door. She’d spend the night with me, it was an improvement from the car, and for some reason we only went over to her house once in the following two months. I knew we were not fooling anyone at the guard-barracks, but we pretended to be secret about it anyway.