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If you have taught your child all the rules of ‘stranger danger’ you have protected him/her from a 1% chance of being sexually abused. This leaves your child vulnerable to the most likely sexual child abuse offender, family members or other trusted adults. 80% of children are sexually abused by a family member, 19% are abused by someone the child knows and trusts. The other little known statistic is the frequency of sexual child abuse. David Finkelhor and Dianna Russell’s research reveals 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Unfortunately this statistic is considered low due to the difficulty in gathering data through surveys or reporting agencies.
For many decades we have screamed, ranted, condemned, demanded and enacted legislation to punish sex offenders to little avail. The news media and magazines have joined in the campaign to illuminate the problem after the damage is done. As a result of the media’s incessant coverage and hype of ‘strangers,’ we have come to believe if we teach our children about ‘stranger danger,’ we have thoroughly protected our children from this horrific crime.
The first response we form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. ‘I don’t have to be concerned about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.’ The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. To understand how sexual child abuse is perpetrated by the person we least suspect one needs to have a comprehensive definition of sexual abuse.
“Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force.
Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse.
As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).”
There are two types of sexual abuse approaches—overt and covert.
Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature.
Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she/he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his/her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his/her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with him/herself because he/she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her/him discounts signs of the abuse, because we don’t want to believe someone with a sterling public image would do such a thing. Thus the child feels crazy, as if she/he is the one with the problem.
One example of overt sexual abuse whereby the perpetrator disguises his actions and those present are in denial about what is transpiring is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported seeing. Her father (her perpetrator) kissed his granddaughter, her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece finished her bath. Her sister, the child’s mother, the child’s grandmother (wife of the perpetrator) were present. “My sister and mother (the child’s grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting,” she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in therapy she would not have considered it sexual abuse either.
An example of covert sexual abuse by someone we least expect is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been ‘fondled’ when she was nine by a family friend. “He helped me on with my coat at a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast.” This type fondling is often times referred to as ‘coping a feel.’ No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. Women know how icky it feels when a man ‘cops a feel.’ Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced?
Another example of covert sexual abuse by someone you least expect was told to me by my client, Rickie (not his real name). He remembered being held by his mother’s best friend in the water at the beach when he was six, while his parents sat on the beach. Fully protected from view by the water, she fondled his penis. This was not the end of the sexual abuse. When Rickie was 15 years old, she enticed him to have sex with her at her home while he waited for her son, his friend to come home. The second incident of her sexual abuse of Rickie was overt.
There are six key techniques to abuse-proof your child.
•Avoid spanking your child—spanking is a body boundary violation. Perpetrators target children who have had body boundary violations because they are less apt to protest any unacceptable body boundary violations, are more compliant with adults and are less apt to tell. You can avoid your child from falling prey to these cunning perpetrators by doing everything to avoid making your child a target.
•Avoid touching your child in erotic areas—buttocks, chest, thighs, etc. Perpetrators state they use familiar touch (rubbing the child’s legs, buttocks or hugging/kissing) to desensitize the child before using touch which is sexual in content and intent. If your child is unaccustomed to being touched in erotic areas, he/she will protest immediately. Protesting will either thwart the perpetrator or alert anyone nearby that something is awry.
•Teach your child self-protection by teaching him/her to protest violation of body boundaries or unwanted touch beginning at age two.
•Practice and teach your child good body image.
•Practice and teach your child to TELL YOU EVERYTHING, NO SECRETS FROM MOMMY and DADDY.
•Practice and Teach Appropriate Suspicion—Trust your intuition, (a.k.a Sixth Sense)
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While women usually talk about performing a breast enlargement procedure some of the "lucky" ones decide to perform a breast reduction in order to gain some of the lost image and functionality by reshaping their size. In most cases, age deformations, disfigurement caused by accidents, or diseases, are the reasons why women decide to perform a breast reduction cosmetic surgery operation.
Determined by her genes as well as by her weight and hormones, the size of a woman's breasts varies with age, height and frame. In fact, while some women develop particularly large breasts from early adolescence, others develop them later in life, during the menopause or following the use of HRT. In many cases, women with large breasts experience a physical and psychological discomfort. Thus, since women can feel very self-conscious and can become depressed about the size of their breasts, many of them resort to the solutions provided through contemporary cosmetic surgery practices like Reduction mammoplasty; generally known as breast reduction.
Breast reduction is an operation where the excess fat and skin are removed from the breasts. The breasts are then reshaped to form smaller breasts and the nipples are repositioned. Moreover, breast reduction can also be used to even up the size of the breasts where one is much larger than the other.
But since breast reduction is actually a surgery, women tend to get scarred of the results. This is why it is important for the woman that wishes to reduce the size of her breasts to talk with her surgeon and agree beforehand on the desired surgery's outcome. Providing all the past health information to your surgeon is also necessary. The overview of your general health condition can reduce the risks of experiencing any kind of complications during surgery or later after its completion. You will always have a post-operative consultation with your surgeon to review the results and to check on your progress. Once you've returned home, you'll need two to six weeks of rest depending on your age and health. A week or two after surgery, your stitches will either dissolve, or you'll need to return to the hospital to have them removed.
Finally, you should consider the results you want to achieve and consult with your experienced breast surgeon before deciding on performing any dramatic change that may have a negative effect to your overall appearance. The surgeon will also give you advice on how best to prepare for the operation. If you are overweight, you may be advised to lose weight beforehand. Since breast size alters with body weight, you will be more suitable for surgery if your weight is stable. Your breasts won't grow again after surgery, but they may still fluctuate in size if you gain or lose weight. Moreover, smokers will be advised to give up because smoking increases the risks of surgery, including delayed healing. Also, in case you are still very young in age, the surgeon will advise you to wait until your breasts have stopped growing before performing the operation.
If you decide that you want to have the operation, select a recommended suitably qualified surgeon and ask to sign a consent form. This is to show that you are aware of what the procedure involves, including the possible risks, and give your permission for it to go ahead. Many women find that the benefits of breast reduction far outweigh the side-effects. However, because a breast reduction is done, at least in part, for cosmetic reasons, it is especially important to carefully consider the risks.
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Impotence is another word of erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction occurs when male experiences problems getting or maintaining a strong enough erection for full sexual activity. You would be surprised that this problem exist and affect at least one in ten men, so occurs quite often.
Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation's researchers studied men with damaged blood vessels in the penis and they strongly believe that male who suffer from damaged blood vessels in the penis are at greater risk of having similar damage elsewhere in the body, including the heart, brain, legs and kidneys. Their research found that the process which lead to heart attacks and strokes could be seen as ED before it appears in other arteries. Blood vessels that supply the penis are narrower than those in other parts of the body and it also noted that not every case of impotence was linked to heart disease.
Many men with heart disease stabilize the condition with nitrates. Use of nitrates is not recommended for men who also use Viagra. Alway consult a doctor to decide if Viagra is right for you.
Scholars says about erectile dysfunction that in different words such as; "We think that erectile dysfunction represents the tip of the iceberg of a systemic disorder," said Emilio Chiurlia, of the University of Modena and Reggio Emilia in Italy, where the study was conducted.
"Impotent patients should be considered at high risk for coronary artery disease and should have high priority for aggressive treatment."
He said that where cases of impotence did not have a psychological trigger, doctors should assume the patient was suffering from clogged arteries.
Heart disease is also preventable; quit smoking, start exercising, eat a balanced diet while limiting high fat foods and follow your doctors treatment plan if you have diabetes or high blood pressure.
The good news is that erectile dysfunction can be treated. Viagra® and other drugs, penile implants, vacuum erection devices, injection therapy, and urethral suppositories are options.
Viagra increases blood flow to the penis. Many men find it effective. However, Viagra fails for 30%-40% of the men who try it.
Now these days, there are many herbal as well as FDA approved prescription medication such viagra, cialis, levitra, generic viagra. Viagra and cialis is successfull prescribed medication for erectile dysfunction.
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How to Restore Your Foreskin A New Restorer's Decision Making Guide by Steve R.H., FRC Site Editor (email with Q's or Support steve@foreskinrestorationchat.info )
CONTENTS SECTION
A......Short Intro to the Restorer's Restoration Decision Guide
1......Are you ready for the non-surgical restoration commitment?
2......Tight Circumcision? - How tightly were you circumcised?
2a.....Tapeless Devices? Or Taping Methods?
3......Restoration methods for very tightly circumcised men
4......Restoration methods for men with average or somewhat looser circumcisions
5......Vitamin / Health Assistance for skin health and skin cell growth
6......Removing Tape from the penis without pain, sores, tears, or rips
7......Methods to keep the tape from coming off prematurely
7a.....When do I tell my partner about my restoring? Should I tell him/her?
8......24/7 Restoring? Or Cyclical Restoring. Which is faster? (New Medical Research Info)
A. Short Introduction to the Restorer's Restoration Decision Guide There are many answers on the internet. This is a dilema in itself because so much information answers questions but creates confusion. Confusion creates a problem when it comes to making decisions - and coming up with the right questions, at the right times. Foreskin restoration information 'overload' frequently causes depression and anxiety in men who have just learned about restoring.
This guide is an attempt by a somewheat experienced foreskin restorer to help put some method to the madness of information, after you've decided to non-surgically restore your foreskin. Hopefully it will alleviate some of the confusion and mistakes I personally have experienced during my restoration, and those that I have heard of first hand. Maybe sparing you some embarrassments, depression, confusion, or frustration.
1. Are You Ready for the Non-Surgical Restoration Commitment? If you think that a successful foreskin restoration of your own is possible without considerable emotional fortitude, sorry to have to disappoint you. A non-surgical restoration can take years. Average lengths of time would be useless to report except to serve as inspiration or loose guidelines, so it *is* reasonable to assume that a man with an average circumcision (ie. not too tightly circumcised) can complete a restoration - that is, a man can obtain full coverage of the glans of the penis to look uncircumcised - in about 2-years on average. With some dedication. And certainly with an large emotional commitment.
You must realize that after you decide to restore your foreskin, there is not going to be a magic-pill that will regrow your foreskin overnight. When we speak of an 'emotional commitment' - it means a commitment to yourself and your sexual pleasure and identity.
BE READY TO SPEND AT LEAST ONE FULL YEAR RESTORING!!
We all often think we have a high level of patience, but what many men discover, after starting their restoration, is that their patience is really 'stretched' to the limit, and unfortunately most men who start restoring - quit. Whether it is out of depression that their restoration is not progressing fast enough, or the man's thought that "it's simply not possible". Many of these men re-appear years later saying "I wish I hadn't given up years ago, or I'd be finished restoring by now!" - moral of the story - don't start unless you plan on sticking with it. It will save you emotional exhaustion and disappointment. Just remember - it *is* - absolutely - possible to restore your foreskin and grow new skin cells!
2. Tight Circumcision? - How tightly were you circumcised? Just as there are a vast variety of shapes, sizes, and appearances of all penises, circumcised or not; there are just as many variations on methods, and variations of circumcisions. Tight/close circumcisions. Loose circumcisions. Circumcisions that leave a man looking practically uncircumcised, etc.
(a) If your penis experiences pain or a tight pulling sensation while fully erect - you were circumcised tightly/aggressively.
(b) If your penis bleeds or forms any little tears anywhere along the penile shaft when you obtain erection - you are much too tightly circumcised.
(c) Can't move any - or hardly any - skin onto your glans while erect? You likely had an average North American Circumcision.
(d) Able to - with minor pulling - roll skin up onto the glans while erect? You probably had a looser circumcision
(e) Able to easily roll skin to almost cover the glans while erect? - You have a very loose circumcision.
If you feel your circumcision falls into A, B, or C, then you may have to start your restoration with some of the less aggressive restoration methods - and will most likely be required to - at least start - with a taping method. There is nothing wrong with this. Many, many men start with taping - and finish their restoration taping. This author included. If you believe you fall into categories D or E, you may be able to start slightly ahead of the men circumcised more tightly. You may be able to begin with a tapeless device if you chose. There is some debate as to whether tapeless or tape-utilizing methods produce faster or slower results. It has been this author's experience that taping methods produce the best, fastest results. This of course is this author's personal experience only.
Tightly circumcised men, regretfully, will be the most likely restorers to spend a longer amount of time restoring to completion. If you are circumcised tightly, keep in mind, however, that as you develop and grow more new skin, restoring becomes exponentially faster as there are more skin cells to divide to create new cells - causing the restoration of your foreskin. SO, tightly circumcised: don't despair!
Users of the FRC website (http://foreskinrestorationchat.info) have frequently reported having started AND FINISHED restoring even tho their circumcisions and penile skin as a result, were - in their words - "tight as a drum" Again - do NOT despair. Many circumcised men have suffered privately behind closed doors as a result of their overly tight circumcisions (one is tempted to call such circumcisions "clumsy, botched") - have begun restoring, and have reported a night-and-day improvement in their sex lives - and yes, their male or female sex partners do report such happiness at the marked imrprovement in their restoring partner's pleasure responses, as well as their own pleasure being given to them by their newly restoring partners.
2a. Tapeless Devices? Or Taping Methods?
There are many "tapeless devices" available by many commercial manufacturers all over the internet. It is important to realize that there is no need to purchase these commercial devices to restore your foreskin. The reason these manufacturers have designed these devices is to fulfill a niche market - the market of men who are restoring but cannot, for one reason or another, deal with using tape methods. NOTE: That most surgical tapes, such as 3M MicroPore or Rejuvenesse are hypo-allergenic and if you get sores or irritations from those tapes, chances are that you are not using proper tape application methods. Methods on application of tape or tapeless devices can be found on the main FRC page.
NOTE TO TIGHTLY CIRCUMCISED MEN: You will most likely need to start restoring - at least for a couple months - using the X-Taping (Cross Taping) method to loosen-up some skin on your penis to open up some more opportunity to use more aggressive, faster methods. It is possible for a tightly circumcised man to even start with T-Taping (this author's favorite method).
NOTE TO LOOSELY CIRCUMCISED MEN: You have the luxury to pick and chose which method or commercial device you chose to use for your restoration. While this author doesn't personally feel tapeless methods/devices are unnecessary, many men prefer tapeless devices because of the ease of use (eg. can be removed very quickly for intimacy, no peeling tape off the penis, no making t-tapes, etc.). If you are loosely circumcised, or believe you are, try starting with the T-Tape/Tension-Strap method. There is a great link on the FRC site, linking to the exceptional "T-Tape Picture Book" - a photo-guided instruction manual for those who want to try the great T-Tape foreskin restoring method.
Loosely circmcised men usually need not start with a X-taping method (which is used most often by tightly circumcised men to obtain some more useable skin for faster methods). Some tapeless methods you can order include the: TLC-tugger, CAT II Pro, Tug-a-hoy. (Links all on FRC) Tapeless devices (or "tuggers" as they are often called) do have some advantages, as alluded to above. For one, not having to place tape - an adhesive - on the skin of your penis is a major enticement to tapeless tuggers for many restoring men.
Almost every tape a restorer can use will still leave some amount of residue on the skin, after removal. There are lotions (mineral oil with citrus extract products, for example) that will literally disolve away most surgical tape residue from the penile skin when using a taping method, and you simply rinse away with water. This is not a very time consuming process.
When you get accustomed to 'taping' you find you can apply your t-tapes in as little as 30-seconds, and remove it completely (including all residue that may be left) in about 5-minutes (soaking in warm water time, then slowly pulling the soaked tape away from the skin, removing any residue, etc.)
Another "bonus" to tapeLESS methods regards urination. Let's face it, you will have to 'go' at least a few times a day, and worse if you're a coffee drinker! (Make a mental note: If wearing tape on your penis when you go to the office, reduce your coffee consumption, or your boss may wonder why you've disappeared to the bathroom back and forth for half of the day!)
Tapeless methods do allow for urination without having to remove the device. Not all tapeless methods allow urination without removal - but it has become a common feature in most varying designs. Wearing a T-Tape for example, one must unclip the tension strap and 'open' the end of the T-Tape to pull the skin back to urinate, then reverse the process when finished. Experienced tapers, however, can often accomplish this with great discretion and speed even at a public urinal! It's recommended you get to know your device while utlizing "public stalls" in washrooms. Try not to smile - you'll soon become famiiar with how disruptive 'bathroom breaks' become while restoring - tapeless or not. Don't lose your sense of humor over all of this, because in retrospect most men do have stories they like to share or report that are nothing short of hillarious (ie. man wearing a PUD - a metal tugger - went through a security checkpoint at an airport...not hard to guess what that poor guy went through!). Think of the bar stories you'll have!
Bottom line when it comes to tapeless or tape methods is a matter of purely personal choice.
3. Restoration Methods for Very Tightly Circumcised Men
Tightly circumcised? You are in good company. Millions of men are circumcised too tightly. Most circumcisions in North America are done to the standard of the Jewish custom of "bris periah" - the complete and utter removal of the entire foreskin and all of it's components (ie. the frenelum, inner mucosal skin, etc.). This is usually accomplished by circumcising infants with a Gomco Circumcision Clamp, or Plastibell device. Some men manage to escape such radical circumcisions, but most do not - not in North America anyway.
For the tightly, radically circumcised man, there are some methods to begin a foreskin restoration.
1 - You should spend a few months X-Taping to loosen some of the tight skin on your erect penis
2 - Manually pulling on the skin with your fingers (see Manual Rest. link on main page) to loosen skin, 10-15mins at a time, a few times a day.
When the skin is loose enough from the X-taping and/or Manual restoring methods, you can 'graduate' to wearing a more comfortable T-Tape and tension strap to expedite the skin growth process. Whenever you have the opportunity (eg. after using the washroom, after/during showers, etc.) you should manually pull tightly on the shaft skin, up over the glans as far as you can without causing pain. PAIN IS NEVER, EVER A GOOD INDICATION OF PROPER RESTORING.
One way many tightly circumcised men "get in" some easy to accommodate manual restoring, and in fact the same method many restorers regardless of their type of circumcision use, is to do as follows:
While erect - right after your shower and you have dried off is best - grab about midway up the penis with your thumb, index, and middle fingers, forming a decent grip around your penis. Then simply pull the skin (which will already be somewhat tight from the erection) back towards the body and hold it for 15-20 seconds, then rest for about 30-seconds, repeat. Do this for five to ten minutes - but stop if you start feelings your penis and skin becoming raw or sore. This method will do more to loosen a tight circumcision than you might imagine, and again, looser skin opens doors to easier use of faster, more aggressive methods of restoration.
"I'm so tightly circumcised that I really doubt there is any skin to successfully restore." - Untrue. ALL skin will stretch, grow, and create new skin cells if put under tension. No matter how little you have. It may start off with some difficulty, and start off somewhat slowly, but remember, speed of skin growth only becomes exponentially faster as you gain and 'loosen' more.
4. Restoration Methods for Men with Average or Looser Circumcisions
For men circumcised in a manner that left some amount of loose skin on the shaft of the penis, there are some more options open and available to you in your restoration. Just as men tightly circumcised, you have the option of X-taping, but you can also easily use T-Taping, or even try a commercial 'tugger' or two. In the interest of simplicity of access, and short-term cost, I recommend starting off with T-Taping (see links on FRC). Looser skin allows you to more comfortably wear a T-Tape as well. Looser skin, means more skin - when T-Taped and under tension with your tension strap attached to your T-Tape, the tension pulls the penils shaft skin and remaining foreskin out over the glans and allows the whole contraption to accommodate erections either at night - or spontaneous ones during the day. Many tapeless devices simplt cannot accommodate erections and must be removed at night to ensure no damage occurs - but to be fair, a select few tapeless device manufacturers and home-made tapeless tugger designs can and are worn at nightt and can accommodate erections.
So take your pick guys, if you got away with a loose circumcision, you have many options available to you. It is recommended that you examine the Foreskin Restoration Methods Comparison Chart, you can find the link to that as well on the FRC website.
5. Vitamin / Health Assistance for Skin Health and Skin Cell Growth
As you would expect, when you are ungoing your own non surgical foreskin restoration, it's best to be in, and remain in good overall health.
There are a vast number of men who use Vitamin E religiously, both orally and topically. In light of new medical research on vitamin E and it's possible link to an increase in morbidity, this author will not recommend any 'good' internal doseage of Vitamin E. "E" can, and maybe should be applied to the penile skin that is under tension - in between restoring sessions. It appears (from many men's reports and personal experience) that a simple 400IU Vitamin E caplet broken open and spread and massaged into the skin is both soothing, and actually seems to speed the healing of irritated skin. Ph-neutral soaps or soapless body cleansing lotions enriched with Vitamin E, used in the shower, might also be useful.
There is very experimental medical research out of Beijing, China, that has proven a medical agent called Papaverine Topical Cream actually sped the growth of skin! This is a very short exerpt from a medical abstract from the Southern-2 Ward, Plastic Surgery Hospital, Chinese Academy of Medical Sciences & Peking Union Medical College, Beijing, China: "This study shows that the rate of tissue expansion can be accelerated by topical application of papaverine cream"
This information is not provided in this text to get your hopes up. It's provided to show that research into skin, cell, and tissue growth is happening right now, around the world. Eventually circumcised men will be able to very rapidly restore their foreskins with these medical - albeit non-surgical - methods if the speed of this type of research grows - or at least continues.
Until science evolves to a point whereby we can smear some cream on a circumcised penis and within a day or two have a newly regrown restored foreskin, let's be practical! It is critical to maintain skin moisture in between wearing your tape or tapeless devices ('while you are restoring'). Many men find simple mineral oil too greasy and tends not to absorb quickly enough into the skin, but if you find your skin does absorb mineral oil quickly, massage that into your skin daily in between taping (being very sure to thoroughly cleanse all trace of oil before next restoring-session!). This author prefers to use: "Vaseline (brand) Intensive Care Unscented Extra Strength Lotion" (containing many moisturizers and Virtamin E - for 'very dry skin')" Now that Vaseline got the plug (!) I must say that this particular brand of moisturizer absorbs *very* quickly, is completely greaseless with no oils, and is all sorts of great! After a great deal of experience with different lotions for moisturizing after restoring-sessions, this one hands down must be given a try by all restorers. Another suggestion often offered by restorers is to use a lotion with not only Vitamin E, but also with Lipids.
It is suggested that lipids actually enhance the speed of the skin repair and cellular restoration process. Take it for what it is worth. There is sufficient conflicting evidence both that prove lipids are helpful and that lipids are useless to warrant your own research into "lipids" on the internet to make this decision.
Ensure you are eating a healthy amount of fish. If you aren't, include some in your diet, as it is suggested fish oils are essential to skin health. Also, a good, trusted namebrand multi-vitamin once a day, with perhaps the addition of fish oil (cod liver oil, halibut liver oil...) supplements as they are good for the skin would be useful. Useful not only for healthy skin, but also for your general health! Be aware however, that this author is not a doctor and these are (not medical) suggestions made from personal experiences, reading, and those experiences and reports of other restoring men. Use good sense and consult your GP before you decide to start supplementing your diet with vitamins.
6. Removing Tape from the Skin Without Pain, Tears, Sores, Rips...
Even tho this section best belongs in a taping-methods guide, I felt it important enough to make a short entry on this matter in this guide. Many of you reading this will have already decided to start restoring and are perhaps reading this reflecting, or referring to it. Many of you are also causing yourself damage using a taping restoration method - not necessarily by too much tension or improper taping procedures - but by plain, simple tape removal ! A great many restoring men have been either turned off of restoring altogether because of the pain they cause themselves removing their tapes, or it converts men to a search for a tapeless tugger product. There are a few very, very simply rules to removing your tape without pain, tears, sores, or rips:
Soak in a hot bath for five minutes and then remove tape slowly under the water Always remove the skin from the tape - not the tape from the skin (what this means is, grab the tape and slowly roll the skin off the grip of the tape, do not pull on the tape, roll or push down on the skin AWAY FROM the tape) You can purchase a citrus mineral oil - rub it over the taped area, wait for a minute, and gently and slowly remove the tape (keeping the above rule in mind!) All residue should come off with the tape. If it doesn't, the citrus in the oil will make the residue simple to roll off.
Never try to remove your tape (unless it's an emergency!) without at least soaking it in some form of oil-based lotion, very warm baths/water, or something to loosen the bond that the tape has created between itself and your skin. If you feel any pain at all removing your tape, chances are you are going to have either a sore, or irritated spot at that location after you get the tape off. Don't ake any chances, remove the tape slowly, it can be done within 5-minutes without any negative effects!
7. Methods to Keep the Tape from Coming Off Prematurely
If removing the tape is the least of your problems after you start trying out the taping method, then keeping he tape ON, or keeping it from slipping, will be the next problem you're likely to encounter. Some men find that they cannot keep their tapes from losing grip and slipping off the skin after even 4 or 5 hours. The point here is to have the tape stay-put where you placed it, for as long as you want it to stay there. Try these methods:
From the drugstore, purchase a small bottle of $3 or $4 "Friar's Balsam" (Tincture of Benzoin) It is a type of astringent. With a Q-Tip, paint a very thin layer over the area of skin on which you will be placing the tape. Let the liquid painted on the skin dry for about 30-seconds before applying your tape. Then apply your tape as usual.
The Friar's Balsam holds AMAZINGLY well, and requires that you soak in the hot bath for a few minutes longer to get the tape to come off later.
Another suggestion. Lightly dust the area of your body that is likely to have your penis held against (your leg, your lower stomach - if sleeping with your tension strap over your shoulder) with unscented baby powder. It will absorb any extra moisture caused by the heat of the penis being held against the body so tightly by tension. You can also dust the outside of the tape lightly with baby powder as well, which will help absorb any moisture that might othewise infiltrate the delicate surgical tape.
ALWAYS: Ensure that if you use the T-Tape method, that you place the midline of the "T" along your Point of Equilibrium (POE) on your penis. The POE is the point around your penis on the skin where if the tape is applied and pulled, equal tension is spread over both the inner and outter area of skin. In most men just starting to restore, with an average circumcision, the POE is usually right along your circumcision-line. In tightly circumcised men who may have difficulty locating their POE, use the circumcision-line as well, as your POE. Taping along your POE will ensure that the tape is baring the load of the tension equally, so that the adhesive holds longer without one area slipping, causing the whole tape to fail.
7a. When do I Tell My Partner About my Restoring? Should I Tell Him/Her?
Having to discuss this issue with anyone, particularly your most intimate friend - your partner, can be the most difficult thing to do. The chances of you being able to hide your restoration process from your loved one will be next to impossible. So it has to be dealt with sooner or later. Express how important "trying this out" is to you. Be prepared to answer the question "why would you want to do this?" - It invariably seems to be the first or second question that comes up! That is something no Guide can help you answer. But it is certainly something worth taking some time to consider. "Why do you want to restore?"
Men and women have contacted me in relation to their partner's restoration. All have said that they are supportive of their partners' restoration efforts, and in some cases they were the one who introduced them to the idea in the first place! It's rare to hear of an unsupportive partner - even if their level of support is purely a matter of tolerance out of love for them. Your partner may ask you if you are doing this because they of them - because they "can't please you anymore". It's important to make sure that your partner is told - frankly - that restoring your foreskin is a decision for you, about you, and something you want - nothing to do with them, you just hope that they will be supportive and not think you are crazy for doing this.
Inform them that most men's sexual pleasure increases greatly as a result of restoration, and many of their partners report enhanced sexual pleasure as well. Ultimately your choice to restore could potentially enhance both of your sex lives! Two documents you can show your partner, when you "come out to them" about restoring, can be found at the following links:
Why Would a Circumcised Man Want to Restore His Foreskin (http://foreskinrestorationchat.info/jfaq.html) by John Geisheker, J.D., LL.M (General Counsel, Doctor's Opposing Circumcision, D.O.C. http://faculty.washington.edu/gcd/DOC/ )
What is Foreskin Restoration by FRC, Document appears on main page of site (http://foreskinrestorationchat.info)
8. 24/7 Restoring? Or Cyclical Restoring. Which is faster? (New Medical Research Info)
There is nothing more hotly debated in the restoration community than the issue of how long to wear the tension/weight on the skin in order to obtain the maximum skin cell growth in the shortest time. For a long time, the general restoratin community was convinced that a restoring regimen as close to 24/7 as possible was optimal. In other words, it was believed - and still is by some - that foreskin restoration would be completed/achived faster the longer you were 'stretching' the skin.
Well, medical research in every shape and form is luckily, always evolving. For years, the co-founder of NORM (National Organization of Restoring Men) Wayne Griffiths, has tried to convince restoring men that a 24/7 regimen is not the answer to the most expeditious skin growth. The following is a quote from a posting in the FRC Forums by Wayne Griffiths:
"When we look at the body builders, trying and successfully getting more muscle and you have a muscle to be lengthened for sure the Dartos/Peripenic muscle... you need to follow as the most recent research has indicated, and as i have been 'preaching' for 15 years, growth is had when the cells have a chance to perform mitosis. One needs to understand that just looking at it in a mechanical/physical situation, if you were a rubber band stretched to the fullest extent, could you tie a knot in the middle of yourself? I think not. So the resolving of the chromatin of the nucleus into a threadlike form, which separate into segments or chromosomes, each of which separated longitudinally into two parts, one part of each chromosome being retain in each of two new cells resulting from the original cell.
"The three papers researching tissue expansion have only been done since 1997 + - and the latest in 2004...have shown that cyclical moderate tension is the most successful and productive method of growing new cells. These studies i am sure will change to some extent the regimen for tissue expansion in the medical field for harvesting." (Wayne Griffiths, NORM - http://www.norm.org)
Taking this information into consideration, a 12-hour restoring day, with 8-12 hours off, each day, 6-days a week, would seem to be an appropriate suggestion. Of course, for any new restorer, the length of time you may be able to tolerate wearing your device or tape could be very short. It takes a while to become used to wearing tapes and devices and thus be able to comfortably wear them for longer periods of time.
This document should not be taken as medical advice and is meant to compliment, rather than supplant the relationship between you and your doctor.
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"My girlfriend dumped me because she says I 'wasn't there' when we made love. She's not the first to say this. I know something's wrong. Can hypnotherapy help me?"
Your sexual dysfunction means you engage in sex more as an observer than as a participant.
You hold yourself back from entering a trance state; you have difficulty "letting go."
There are several ways in which a qualified hypnotherapist can help you to conquer this problem. Before using hypnosis it is essential that you receive competent medical advice.
Hypnotherapy will have a particular focus depending on whether the problem is organic or psychological.
Organic sexual problems require medical intervention. Hypnotherapy may be used as an adjunct, for instance, in helping you to heal faster after an operation.
More frequently, sexual difficulties treated by a hypnotherapist concern psychological issues.
Since the process deals with your mind all sexual activity during hypnotherapy takes place only in your imagination.
What you learn through hypnotherapy is practiced privately elsewhere.
Hypnotherapy may be used to heighten your sensual involvement and to help you to be fully present while engaging in sex.
A common, effective use of hypnotherapy is to lower your anxiety.
The anticipation of failure (particularly for men anxious about their ability to have or to maintain an erection) brings on anxious feelings.
These in turn bring about the failure. Hypnotherapy ends this vicious circle and replaces the anticipation of failure with the certainty of success and confidence.
Traditional sex therapy methods are more readily accepted by you when in hypnosis because the conscious, judgmental, analytical part of your mind is temporarily set aside.
Your subconscious then absorbs the new, positive messages you've asked the hypnotherapist to create.
Precisely because hypnosis taps into the autonomic nervous system, a person can use it to improve or alter functions that normally happen without conscious control, e.g., a man's erection.
Charles, a 27-years-old former sailor and currently an electrician, consulted a hypnotherapist because he was too fearful to have sex with his wife.
They'd been married three years and had had sexual difficulties since the birth of their daughter eight months previously. Charles was afraid he'd been embarrassed once again if he tried to make love.
"Kim laughed at me the first time and now she just gives me a look of disgust." Why? Because he couldn't maintain an erection.
Charles felt humiliated and frustrated; he worried that he'd never again have satisfactory sex with his wife. His dream of fathering a son seemed unattainable.
He told the hypnotherapist that he had no problem masturbating when alone. This was a likely indicator that Charles' problem was psychological, not organic.
As was Charles' report that he always had a firm erection when having sex with the occasional housewife in whose home he was doing electrical work.
To be on the safe side, the hypnotherapist advised Charles to be examined by a medical specialist to be absolutely sure there was no organic cause for his ED.
The doctor confirmed that Charles' trouble was "100 per cent psychogenic," meaning that for some emotional or psychological reason, he could not maintain an erection.
Of course, the more Charles tried, and the more he worried, the more flaccid was his penis.
The hypnotherapist explained to Charles that hypnosis could be used to uncover the cause of his trouble, or to tackle the symptom, or both.
Charles, being the impatient type, and of course eager to end his humiliating experiences, opted for the "quick fix."
Over the course of three sessions of hypnotherapy, Charles relived successful love-making episodes from his younger years as a Navy "stud."
Then the therapist used a melding technique to encourage Charles to see himself (in his imagination, while hypnotized) from now on once again enjoying a full, firm erection well beyond the time needed to satisfy his partner.
Positive suggestions were also made by the hypnotherapist to Charles about his prowess, his confidence and his desirability to his wife.
For three months Charles and Kim had a wonderful sex life. Then he lost an erection just as foreplay had become hot and heavy.
Kim, hurt and disappointed, reacted with sarcasm. All Charles' fears and anxieties rushed back. He returned to the hypnotherapist.
This time Charles agreed to investigate the cause of his impotence.
The hypnotherapist used various approaches -- age regression, age progression (in which the "future" Charles was to explain how he'd conquered the problem) analogue symbolic imagery -- but nothing worked.
In a subsequent session, with Charles relaxed in hypnosis, the therapist told Charles he'd have a dream. His subconscious would provide this dream as a way, either directly or symbolically, to explain the origin of his impotence.
Three nights later Charles dreamed he was outside a factory. It was night time and the factory loomed dark and mysterious.
Charles felt a strong urge to scale the steel fence that surrounded the factory. Then he tried to find away in. All the doors were shut and padlocked. A security guard ("very scary, because he had my face," said Charles) told him to go away.
But Charles persisted in his eagerness to enter the factory. He ran from the guard, to the back of the building. Here was the loading dock. Charles saw a bulldozer there. He jumped into its cab and began to operate the controls.
The guard reappeared, feebly told Charles to get off the property, to go to his own place. In the distance, Charles could see a stately castle which he somehow knew belonged to him.
But his only interest was in the dark factory. The guard shrugged. Charles started up the bulldozer and charged the heavy machine toward the small back door of the factory.
As the bulldozer began to rumble forward, Charles awoke -- with a massive erection.
The dream puzzled Charles. But it enlightened the therapist. To him it revealed that Charles was in the grip of the Madonna/Whore complex.
This is the attitude that divides women into "good" and "bad." Thus, a man's wife and especially mother, are "good." Prostitutes, other men's wives and and women of ethnic groups other than the man's own, are "bad."
"Bad" women are exciting; "good" women are boring. Sex is forbidden with "good" women but possible with the "bad."
A man with this complex may have sex with his wife occasionally, or until she becomes a mother, or while a post-hypnotic suggestion lasts. But his heart is not in it. Neither is his penis.
However, with a "bad" woman he has no commitment, no respect. She is there to be used.
His conscience (the security guard) barely bothers him about penetrating the stranger (the dark factory) but, perversely, does prevent him enjoying "his" woman (the castle).
When Charles heard this explanation, he nodded in agreement. This was indeed his view. And that of his father, uncle and most of his friends. He had no serious interest in changing this outlook, especially since Kim had announced she was pregnant. The hypnotherapist's suggestion that Charles and Kim seek marriage counselling fell on deaf ears.
A lawyer we shall call Mathilde did seek help from a psychotherapist. She had told the referring doctor that she rarely had an orgasm. The truth was that Mathilde never had an orgasm -- with her husband.
She'd been faking it for years. But she had climaxed with previous boyfriends. Also during a two-night stand a few months ago.
Mathilde had been a speaker at a lawyers' convention a thousand miles from home. There she met Roger, a brooding electrical engineer who had been trouble-shooting the hotel's elevators.
"He was not particularly good-looking but he had these soft grey eyes," Mathilde confided to the therapist. She smiled. "He was brutal in bed."
Mathilde was mildly surprised to find herself telling the male therapist details she had not felt comfortable confiding to her female doctor.
There was no question of her wanting to leave the marriage. She loved her husband, had a marvellous life. All that was missing ws the joy of orgasm. It was something she yearned for.
Until she met Roger the lack of orgasms with her husband had not bothered her much. Mathilde had become used to pretending -- and to satisfying herself in secret.
The therapist faced two dilemmas:
i) perhaps, despite Mathilde's conscious denials, there was some problem between her and her husband
ii) the therapist usually worked with couples, not individuals, on such sexual challenges.
He decided that, given the husband was not present and would be unlikely to come to future sessions, he would work with Mathilde, and he would use hypnotherapy. If the outcome was successful, there would be no need to explore possible conflicts between husband and wife.
First the therapist explained a little about hypnosis and how it could help Mathilde. Her first session was devoted to her simply relaxing into hypnosis, and becoming familiar with how safe and peaceful it felt.
In Mathilde's second and third sessions of hypnosis the therapist suggested Mathilde silently relive an earlier experience of orgasm.
In her mind she was to take particular note of the physical and emotional feelings which allowed her to climax.
When the orgasm in her imagination was over she would open her eyes, though remain in hypnosis.
Then the therapist pointed out, and Mathilde confirmed, that she had been internally very relaxed just prior to making love. And that during foreplay and intercourse, she became "lost" in the pleasure.
The therapist asked Mathilde to again close her eyes and this time to imagine herself in bed with her husband. Again she could relive the details silently, no need to tell the therapist anything, except when the imagined lovemaking was over.
When Mathilde compared the earlier experience with how she felt when making love with her husband she immediately noticed her tension.
"I am not relaxed and I don't get lost in the act." Sometimes she thought about cases she was working on and at other times she focused on making sure her husband was satisfied.
In the next part of the session the therapist first gave Mathilde suggestions that she could allow herself to relax with her husband, that she could allow herself to climax with him.
The therapist again waited silently while Mathilde played the scene through in her mind.
When she signalled (with a broad smile) that the scene had reached a successful end, the therapist closed the session with positive suggestions about Mathilde allowing herself to be relaxed, focused on pleasure and allowed to climax when making love with her husband.
And so it was.
* * *
Hypnotherapy has also been used successfully to overcome other sexual problems such as overlubrication, exhibitionism, and to uncover the reason a client became a transvestite.
Before seeking help with a sexual difficulty it is important to be sure it really is a problem. For example, a man may go to a therapist because he believes he suffers from premature ejaculation. But if the man is married to a woman who dislikes sex, indeed "wants it over with as soon as possible," that's exactly what is happening, so where's the problem?
Twenty-five years old Eugene's problem was real enough: he could not become erect. A handsome, single, bus driver, Eugene had had several medical examinations; all the doctors had concluded there was no medical cause for his impotence.
At first, hypnotherapy did not help Eugene. He became more and more despondent about his failure, scared to date and unable to sleep at night.
The hypnotherapist had used approaches one or more of which usually resolve psychogenic impotence:
> positive suggestions
> aversive therapy
> satisfying imagery
> arm rigidity
But nothing worked.
The hypnotherapist finally decided to enlist the guidance of Eugene's subsconscious through finger signalling and direct relay of images in response to questions.
(With finger signalling -- also known as an ideodynamic technique -- a hypnotized person allows the subconscious to answer questions with predesignated fingers that represent "Yes," "No," "Don't Know," and "Not yet ready to answer").
This approach proved fruitful, although at first puzzling.
Hypnotherapist: "I'm going to ask your subconscious some questions. There's no need for you to think about the questions or the answers. Simply allow your subconscious to respond through the fingers it has selected.
You will probably feel a tingling begin in the finger that the subsconscious selects. Then it will lift as though of its own accord.
Now, I'd like to ask your subconscious if there is a purpose served by Eugene's impotence?"
[This question is often answered "yes" and subsequently leads to an explanation such as a desire to punish self or partner for some reason].
[Fimger responses are indicated with ( )].
Eugene: (No).
H: "Does the cause of the problem lie in Eugene's past?"
E: (Yes).
[This response steered the hypnotherapist along the wrong path. He took no account of the literalness with which the subconscious absorbs information. Consequently, the hypnotherapist understood the "Yes" response to mean that there was a specific event, a trauma or a message, that began Eugene's impotence. As was later revealed, the "cause in the past" referred, not to a particular event, but to an ongoing process.]
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 20?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 15?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Before 10?"
E: (No).
[Now the hypnotherapist, who erroneously assumes some single event happened, switches from finger responses to image responses].
H: "Okay. I'm going to ask the subconscious to present to your mind an image that is somehow connected to the problem we're dealing with."
E: "I'm in a shop. I don't know how old I am but a man picks me up. I'm very scared. He holds me to him. Someone else comes in and tells the man to put me down."
[The hypnotherapist thinks that it is possible something happened in the shop to subsequently cause Eugene to become impotent. However, further questioning reveals that Eugene sees little more than he has already reported. There appears to be no abuse, no negative messages (such as "You'll never be a man.")
The session is drawing to a close so the therapist reverts to ideomatic questioning. He decided to check the medical verdicts].
H: "Does the problem have any medical basis to it?"
E: [Long pause]. (No).
H: "Is there something physical that would help?"
E: (No).
H: "Is there something missing in Eugene's diet, or something he should not be eating or drinking?"
E: (Don't know/don't want to answer yet).
[Eugene snaps out of hypnosis, much to his own surprise. In previous sessions for other problems Eugene had enjoyed hypnosis so much he had been reluctant to emerge. He puts himself back into hypnosis].
H: "Okay. Our time is nearly up. I want to thank your subconscious for its help. I'm now asking it to provide you with a dream that will give you a strong indication on how to solve the problem that brought you here."
[Eugene once again snaps out of hypnosis].
H: "Wow. We're clearly close to something significant, otherwise you wouldn't come out so suddenly."
E: "I don't understand why. But while you were talking about me having a dream something floated into my mind: smoking."
H: [Incredulous]. "You smoke!"
E: "Yes, a lot."
H: "There you are. That's what your subconscious was telling us: the cause of your impotence is smoking! Have you stopped before?"
E: "Yes. For a while."
H: "And did you have erections okay then?"
E: [Thinks back]. "Yes, I did. I did."
[And the shop? Why did the subconscious throw that memory into Eugene's mind? Perhaps because the shop sold cigarettes.]
Copyright (c) 2005 Bryan M. Knight
